I have made the decision to finally share my story as I feel bits & pieces are getting "out there" and more people are hearing about it so you might as well hear it straight from the source! Also, it feels right at this point in my journey to open up about what I've gone through and finally because I find writing/talking about things helps me deal. Some of you know already but I've kept most of this to myself, my family & closest friends as I didn't want all the sympathy or pity or "that" label.

This part of my life story begins on June 30th of 2011. June 30th, 2011 seems to be a rebirth as everything looked different after that day. On June 30th I was driving home with my kids to meet Geremy who was preparing to take Ken north for the Canada day weekend. Both kids, Ken (2.5 years old at the time 9 day old Ella) were strapped into their car seats in the backseat and Ken and I were playing a game where he tells me which way to turn to get home. Next thing I know, I wake up in an ambulance and I was 2 city blocks from where I remember being last!! Now how did that happen? There are only a few things I remember. I remember feeling like I was driving drunk moments before I passed out. I remember seeing my Dad looking scared out of his mind as he talked to the paramedic and seeing my husband drive my car around the corner to our house. I remember thinking, "Holy crap this paramedic is hot!!" and then being embarrassed when I heard that I had lost control of my bladder in the car. 

I don't remember much else so here is what I learned later. I was driving along, braking and preparing to turn onto my street, when the grand mal seizure hit. The lady driving behind me told paramedics that my break lights were flickering like I was hitting them repeatedly. I swerved slightly into oncoming traffic and my car stalled and I stopped. The lady got out of her car and saw me slouched over the steering wheel passed out and called 911. Luckily, i didnt hit anyone or anything. Apparently I wasn't out long and had a conversation with the paramedics that I don't remember. They asked me where I live and I gave my address and when they asked how do I get home I gave directions to my parents' house. In my foggy haze I sure hope I didn't tell that paramedic how hot I thought he was!!

When I looked back on that day I began to realize that I had a guardian angel watching over me! So many things could have gone differently and any number of situations could have resulted in Geremy losing some or all of the members of his family! I'm glad I was braking when it happened and that my car was a standard as it stalled and I stopped. I'm glad there was no one in the on coming traffic lane and I didn't hit anything or anyone. I'm glad that it happened after I had gave birth to Ella, and that she came a bit earlier than expected! I'm glad that I wasn't driving on the highway at the time. I'm glad that Geremy was still home and my dad, after dropping him off at home just happened to drive south down our street instead of north and saw my car.

I was taken to the hospital, where I worked, and the tests began. My mother-in-law, who works for the same hospital but at a different site, just happened to be there that day so was there to support Ger & I as we waited for results. The ER dr sent me for a CT of the head and returned to share the news that they had discovered a mass in my brain. So the decision was made to send me to St. Mike's hospital in Toronto where I underwent a ton of tests. I was admitted and eventually given a bed on the neuro/trauma floor where my mom & I spent the next week waiting for surgery with various family & friends popping in for visits.

When I was finally called to the OR I was scared. My glasses were taken away and I was wheeled to the surgical floor. Talked with a few Drs, who I couldn't see, then wheeled into the OR and settled onto the table. 

I was very groggy after surgery even though I apparently had conversations with my parents, my husband and the dr. Recovery was hard! I started having seizures around 4am. These were the first I had experienced conscious so they were very scary. I had multiple seizures through out the early morning and would lose movement in my left hand & arm after. I met with the neurology team who started me on two different anti seizure pills. The decision to stop pumping my breast milk was made as I didn't want Ella exposed to the meds I was taking.

A few days after surgery I was discharged. Before I left I was given the pathology report which indicated I had an angioplastic astrocytoma, a grade 3 malignant tumour. CANCER!! 

I went home in tears with Geremy & my parents. How could I have cancer? I was 31 years old, I had a toddler & newborn at home. What did I do to deserve this? Is this hereditary?? How long did I have?? These questions and thoughts, among many others, ran through my head for the next many days until I met with my oncologist to determine a course of action.

First question out of my mouth was whether it was hereditary or if I should worry that I was pregnant while this grew in my head. Thankfully, the answer was "no"!! *HUGE sigh of relief*!! We did receive some good news that my genetics indicated I would respond well to chemotherapy & my tumour was reclassified to a grade 2 with some pieces of grade 3 oligodendroglioma, a less aggressive tumour! 

The next year was spent on two different courses of chemotherapy. Unfortunately, the chemo stopped working in late 2012 and the decision was made to undergo a course of radiation therapy. I underwent 30 sessions over 6 weeks in September 2012. During this time I worked part time from home in order to extend my sick time & full pay. I lost all my hair, which was very hard!!

After radiation I had four months with no treatment and 2 MRI scans. The first MRI was inconclusive due to the radiation still working. 

Between the two MRIs i started noticing weakness on my left side, which I attributed to the radiation. Unfortunately, the 2nd MRI showed that a fluid filled cyst had grown in the tumour cavity. I was scheduled for my 2nd craniotomy in 2 years. The cyst was successfully removed and the lining sent to pathology. I was informed that the tumour had changed, again, and was now a grade 4 glioblastoma, the most aggressive form of tumour!

My oncologist recommended a newer IV Therapy called Avastin. We were told that the cost of this treatment was $6000 a session and I would need two sessions a month. Spent the next two weeks waiting to hear from my insurance company. Finally & luckily heard that they would cover the drug. I took two treatments before I ended up back at St. Mike's because the incision opened exposing a screw. And the incision was infected! So I had my third surgery in two years. The surgeon lifted the skin from my head and cleaned out the area. Unfortunately, because Avastin prevents proper healing, my treatments were put on hold for four weeks, until I finished healing from surgery. During the time off treatment I started developing weakness in my left arm & hand again. So back to St. Mike's I went. Tests showed the tumour had returned and infiltrated the motor area for the left arm. I was told surgery was not an option as it could possibly completely paralyze me and they wouldn't be able to get it all. My surgeon & oncologist had spoke and they determined that there was nothing medically they could do for me.

This is obviously devastating news but I will continue the fight looking at alternative methods and staying positive.

I do my best to find happiness every day and be as active as possible, although being active is sometimes very tiring & hard these days.

So that's my "cancer story". I made the decision to share it because I honestly don't know what the future holds, as none of us do! I do hope that my story will make everyone remember that life is precious and we need to try not sweat the small stuff, easier said then done I know.

I also wanted to send my hugs, love & appreciation to all the people who have helped & supported me during this emotion fight. There are too many to name but you know who you are! I love you all.

Sabrina